I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
