Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
