he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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