omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
