i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
