Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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