It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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