He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
