Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
