I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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