Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
