your parents love me but you hate me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize