it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
