I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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