it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
