my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
