why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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