So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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