i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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