I want to make a zoo with you.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
