when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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