how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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