I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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