Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
