There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
