Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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