Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
