How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
