and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
