I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
