We're facebook friends in real life
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
