I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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