be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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