drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Drunk is a universal language darling
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