she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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