Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
