Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
