Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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