it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
