90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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