dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
