Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and she was petting her beer can
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
