is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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