I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
