I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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