on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
