i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
