Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
