I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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