I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
