every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
