easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
