that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
