They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize