I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
