Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
