He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
