..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
