with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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