Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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