i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think my fart just growled at me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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