I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
