Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize