Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You ruined the universe
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
