At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
