his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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