Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
