i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
