You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
