I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
