u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
