I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
