You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize