dude i'm inner monologue high
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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