Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
