I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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