EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize