Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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