after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
