im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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