oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
