I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
