this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
