note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Randomize
