I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
