I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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