Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
