What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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