i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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