I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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