I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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