There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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