I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can I color on your dick again?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
