if i can run in heels then i can drive
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
organizing the empties. That sober.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
