I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
