My hand turned me down
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize