dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
