Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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