Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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