she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
