I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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