It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
