It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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