yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
