Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pants are for mortals
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
