if you like me you must not know who I am
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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