Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He felt like a one man threesome
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
