I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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