The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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