Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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