I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
