I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
