She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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