I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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