Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
