# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
