If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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