I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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