omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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