Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize