if i can run in heels then i can drive
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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