I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Me too!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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